As a single man who ministers to single adults in the local church, I often have conversations about singleness, dating, and marriage. My work keeps me regularly engaged with the questions of how single adults fit into congregations designed to welcome couples and families. Here’s my observation: if the church is not intentional about ministering to single adults, empowering them to be fully devoted to God in their season of life, then ministry to singles becomes an afterthought. The church must cherish the gift of singleness (1 Cor. 7), trusting God to orchestrate the steps of single Christians toward marriage if that is what He has called them to, but not assuming that singleness is an illness for which marriage is the cure.
Ministering to singles is not about killing time until marriage comes along. It’s about empowering them to be fully devoted to serving God in their singleness. Addressing single Christians, Paul says, “I am saying this for your own benefit, not to put a restraint on you, but to promote what is proper and so that you may be devoted to the Lord without distraction” (1 Cor. 7:35). Toward that end, here are a few reflections to consider for improving your ministry to single Christians.
Know that single Christians are not incomplete.
It is true that God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper corresponding to him.” (Gen 2:18). Other Scriptures also attest to the importance of community and friendship (Eccl. 4:9-12; Prov. 27:17). However, in Christ, all such distinctions are removed, including the distinction between single and married Christians: “There is no Jew or Greek, slave or free, male and female; since you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Gal. 3:28).
Single Christians are not incomplete.
Christ is our relational standard, not a spouse or a relationship status. Jesus and the Apostle Paul are examples of single men who show the capability of single Christians to be fully devoted to God. God made male and female, but He did not make them dependent on one another for spiritual and relational fulfilment. Ultimately, each woman and man depends on God alone for personal holiness and Kingdom effectiveness. Single Christians are not incomplete. They are in a perfectly acceptable state to serve the Lord wholeheartedly, even if they never get married.
Do not assume marriage is “the next step.”
Proverbs 18:22 says, “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord.” Marriage has been created by God and is a good gift when leveraged for His glory. However, we can be tempted to view marriage as a stage of advanced maturity where single Christians have not arrived yet. However, while “singles ministry” usually applies to single Christians who have never been married, we must also be considerate of widows and those who have walked through a divorce. For widows and divorcees, marriage may not be the next step they’re considering, and we should listen to them with care in order to understand how they are processing their life experiences and to discern God’s next steps for them.
Singleness is not an inferior position, though certainly there is a lot of personal growth that quickly occurs through marriage. I was once told: “If you want to go far, stay single; if you want to be sanctified quickly, get married!” God calls us each to experience both service and sanctification in different ways, during different seasons. Do not assume all single Christians are thinking about marriage, or that they are somehow “behind in life” because they are not married. Minister to them as men and women who have a complete identity in Christ, in whom they are fully known (1 Cor 13:12).
Prayerfully guide those wanting to be married one day.
To call it like it is, a lot of single Christians want to get married one day. Many want to have kids, as well. These are good desires and they should be affirmed as such! Marriage is meant to be a picture of the relationship between Christ and His church, a full giving of oneself to the other (Eph. 5:22-33). It’s only natural that we’d desire to participate in something so beautiful. So, as you minister to single Christians who desire marriage, pray with them, and guide them through healthy and biblical practices as they date and seek a spouse fit for them.
Singleness is not an inferior position.
At the same time, be aware that single Christians (just like married Christians) can idolize marriage, treating it like it is the ultimate goal in life, which is unbiblical. The truth is, those not yet married may feel lonely, or like they are missing out in life. However, as you’ve doubtlessly heard it said, marriage doesn’t solve your loneliness problem, only your singleness problem. As you converse with single Christians who desire to marry, affirm their desire, and point them to live for Christ in the meantime, praying with them that, if God wills, they will meet a spouse that can chase after the Lord with them.
Empower single Christians to be fully devoted to God.
Encourage single Christians that they are fully capable and clearly called to serve God wholeheartedly. After all, as Paul observes, their singleness uniquely positions them to serve God with focus, with (dare I say it), singlemindedness: “The unmarried man is concerned about the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But the married man is concerned about the things of the world—how he may please his wife—and his interests are divided” (1 Cor. 7:32-35). So, as you serve, help the singles in your ministry see the opportunities that are open to them as believers unencumbered by marital obligations, daycare schedules, and diaper changes. As they strive to run the race set before them in Christ, encourage singles that if God sees it fit, He will provide a helper fit for them so that they can run the race farther and better.
Do not neglect your ministry to singles, whether you lead in a local church or are counseling your single friends. Single Christians have the glorious opportunity of serving God without many of the distractions of this world, but there is untapped potential among single Christians if the church marginalizes those who are not married, as if there is something wrong with them because they are single.
Instead, empower the single Christians in your church! Encourage your single friends to serve God wholeheartedly! Imagine what the church could do if this generation of single Christians was mobilized to live wholeheartedly for God in their season of life.
