The great thing about mistakes is that most of them have already been made. This is good news for new leaders everywhere, because it means you don’t have to make them all yourself. One of my greatest joys as professor of educational ministries at Southwestern Seminary is providing my students with both the truths of Scripture and benefits of my years of experience in ministry and leadership.
I can tell you from both inherited wisdom and personal experience, these four are leadership mistakes you’re going to encounter in your ministry. And I can also tell you that these tips will help you effectively avoid them.
Mistake #1: Tasks over Relationships
You’ve probably heard that leadership requires delegation. If you’re anything like me, you’ll probably have to hear it several times before you believe it, much less start doing it. But leadership doesn’t end with delegation.
Imagine you’re overseeing a volunteer worship team. You assign one of the team members the task of creating the rehearsal schedule. They scurry away, and you brush off your hands and forget about their assignment entirely. Sure, you did the (admittedly hard) work of delegating responsibility. Well done! But if you never check in again, you run the dire risk of becoming disengaged from those you’re leading. And what’s worse, you run the risk of burning your team out.
So, instead of delegating without follow up, try checking in relationally. Keep careful track of who’s been assigned what and make a point to circle back to your team members. Make sure the assignment is going well and confirm that they have what they need for success. Proactively create opportunities for them to let you know about roadblocks and frustrations.
But don’t just check in on their work. Check in on them. Ask about their heart, their walk with the Lord. Ask how you can pray for them. Ask what you can celebrate with them. Make sure they feel seen as people, not used as resources.
Don’t just delegate and walk away. Keep checking in.
Mistake #2: Goals over Mission
“We need 50 volunteers by next month. Make it happen.”
Feel motivated yet? Excited? Energized for action? No? Neither will your team.
People will work far harder for something they believe in, rather than just hitting a number or completing a task. Consider this parable:
You walk up to a group of men at a worksite. They’re all busily shifting materials about, doing largely the same tasks. You ask them what they’re up to. The first man says, “I’m stacking bricks.” The second man says, “I’m making a wall.” But the third man, with a gleam in his eye, says, “I’m building a cathedral.”
Instead of pushing for goals, try inspiring for the mission. Shift from pressure to purpose. The mission of transforming your community with the love of God and good news of His Son is comprised of a thousand interlocking tasks. We’ve got to write sermons, clean toilets, teach Sunday School lessons, mow lawns, wrangle preschoolers, cook hot dogs, and yes, occasionally even stack bricks. But don’t let your team get so bogged down in the “what” that they forget the “why.” Keep the mission always in their mind, reminding them how these tiny bricks all add up to the grand cathedral you’re building together.
Mistake #3: Avoidance over Truth & Grace
You are going to experience conflict in church and in ministry. Surprise! It is what it is. We’re a group of sinners, saved only by grace. We’re going to be stiff-necked, snippy, and stubborn. Conflict is inevitable, but resentment is optional. Unresolved conflict creates toxic ministry environments, but addressing those issues can prevent division.
So, instead of avoiding conflict, try addressing it with truth and grace. Don’t allow bitterness to fester. If someone comes off as passive-aggressive in a meeting, don’t ignore it. Address it. Go to them with gentleness and boldness and ask them, point-blank: “What’s going on, [Insert Name Here]? It looks like you’re not happy with this. Tell me. I value your opinion, and I’m here to talk you through it.”
Perhaps even more importantly, be open to hearing that you’re the problem. I know I can get very busy, very hurried, in the flurry of a ministry project. In those moments, I can come off a bit short with the people I lead and love. If (ok, when) that happens, I would so rather someone come to me sooner rather than later, because the more that irritation simmers, the more likely it is to bubble up and spill over into wrath.
But it does no good for me to blithely say, “Come to me if you’ve got a problem!” if I’m not truly approachable, gracious, and humble. I must take the initiative to demonstrate habits of openness and teachability if I want the people I lead to feel safe laying their hurt before me. And when I know I’m in the wrong, I must take the initiative to go to those I’ve wronged and apologize.
Mistake #4: Distance over Closeness
People follow leaders they trust, and trust is built through presence. If you want people to follow your lead, then you have to let them get to know you. Your presence must extend beyond the stage at big events and the subject lines of emails. We don’t follow great visions or inspiring missions or finely tuned spreadsheets. We follow people.
So, instead of leading from a distance, try leading from closeness. This means both acknowledging the bad and celebrating the good. Be open about your concerns and personal struggles. No, there’s no need to air every bit of your dirty laundry or trauma dump on your subordinates. But you can (and must!) be able to acknowledge when you’re weathering a difficult season, wrestling with stress and anxiety, or suffering as any human being does. Your willingness to be transparent will inspire your team to follow suit.
And alongside the sorrows, relish the joys. This of course means timely celebrations for goals met and challenges overcome. “Woo-hoo! We got through our first fellowship breakfast!” “Huzzah! We made it through the retreat with two new employees!” Additionally, though, it means taking time to have guiltless fun together. As Dean of Women, I love taking time just to enjoy the company of my team members. We’ve visited a tulip farm. We’ve done escape rooms. If they get their way, I’m going to be playing pickleball here pretty soon. These times of simple enjoyment can build the rapport of your team more than a hundred efficiency seminars and a thousand feedback surveys.
Leadership isn’t just about what gets done. It’s about the people we lead in the process. It’s about creating an environment where everyone—everyone—becomes more like Christ every day. Jesus, the perfect servant leader, never sacrificed the well-being of His people on the altar of productivity, and you don’t have to, either.
