The following article is part of a series of articles that seeks to offer practical advice to preachers. Each article will contain advice from seasoned preachers pertaining to all matters of pulpit ministry.
Marriages really are made in heaven. When God created Eve to be Adam’s wife, He prescribed His perfect plan for marriage. He described her as a “helper, suitable to him (Gen. 2:18 NASB & NIV).” Various translations use similar wording. “Just right for him (New Living Bible).” “One who balances him, suitable & complementary for him (Amplified).” “Helper fit for him (RSVCI).” Every translation uses similar terms. Eve was created to complete, help & partner with Adam.
This is never more seen than when God provides a wife for the preacher. She is not just any woman. She is the woman God has tailormade for the pastor. She is the one God created to be his companion, completion & ministry partner. Their marriage is not just any marriage. Ideally, it is the divine prototype designed to set the ideal family before the church & a watching world!
Marriage is the divine foundation for human fulfillment & societal health. That principle is clearly seen through the preacher’s marriage. Together their marriage shows what a genuine marriage should be.
I was raised in a preacher’s home. My mother was raised in a preacher’s home. My children were raised in a preacher’s homes. I feel greatly blessed to have been part of a preacher’s family. A happy preacher’s marriage is between two believers in the Lord Jesus who are committed to a biblical marriage.
- Carol Ann & I have built a solid relationship with God together. No preacher can have an appropriate marriage without both the preacher and his wife having fully obeyed the Lord together.
- We have always tried to be ourselves in our home. We treated our children and each other with respect, fairness & consistency.
- We have never shouted at each other or had any disagreement in front of our children.
- We have carefully & prayerfully tried to live out our faith at home. The preacher’s home should always express joy & excitement about the things of God. Being part of the church is the most important part of our lives. Both of us grew up in homes that were very active in the church. We never thought we had to go to church, it was just what we did, and we loved being involved in the church.
- My children tell me that I was the same person in the pulpit & at home. I cherish that conclusion from our children. If the preacher is a different kind of person at home than he is at church, his marriage will not be a godly marriage.
- Preachers should always be available for their family. The family is his first line of ministry for the preacher. That is not always easy. I put my children’s activities on my calendar. I have rarely failed to be where my children participated in something special to them. Nothing but extreme emergencies should shove family activities aside. The pastor does not really have any spare time, so he must protect his family times.
- A strong pastor’s marriage requires hard work. The demands of being a pastor all mitigate against him having time with his family. I went to bed every night knowing of scores of things I did not get done that day. It is a demand that confronts a preacher every day. He must not neglect his wife or children in the midst of the myriad of demands he faces. No preacher should take care of other’s families and neglect his own.
- We have bought & given cards to each other just to say “I love you” for nearly 7 decades. We have shared cards thousands of times. As a pastor there was always something I needed to do. A card speaks volumes to my wife. When it comes in the mail, or shows up around the house, she knows that at some time I secured the card & wrote her a love note. If it was mailed, she knows I stamped it, addressed it and took it to the post office and mailed it in the midst of the multiple demands that I receive every day. I want her to be reminded every day in some way that I love her and am grateful for her!
- Gratitude is at the heart of a godly marriage. We have been married for 68 years and we daily express gratitude to each other for simple things. If I take the trash out for pick-up, she will thank me. When she prepares a meal for us, I thank her. Every day we need to live in an attitude of gratitude within our marriage.
- If Satan can create dysfunction in the preacher’s home, he can destroy the effectiveness of the preacher’s ministry. The marriage of a preacher and his wife is a strong witness the Holy Spirit can use as an example to share the Gospel.
- We thank God every day that he has allowed us to represent His love for and relationship with the church in the symbolism of a marriage. We realize that our marriage is in God’s hands, and we rejoice that we can be married in a way the honors Him!
