Parents’ spiritual leadership with their children has always been God’s ideal. Just listen:
He commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children; that the generation to come might know them, the children who would be born, that they may arise and declare to their children, that they may set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep His commandments. – Psalms 78:4-7
God’s primary plan for moving the faith through the generations has been the home. God’s primary plan for getting truth into the lives of children and teenagers is at the feet of their parents.
Spiritual life in the home is primary. But getting parents and teenagers connected in and through youth ministry matters also. In fact, it matters a great deal. Here are several ways to get parents more engaged through youth ministry.
The Sabbath
Parents and teenagers who embrace the supremacy of Christ take seriously the fourth of the Ten Commandments: “Remember the Sabbath day by keeping it holy” (Exodus 20:8). They are just as focused on obeying that commandment as they are those forbidding adultery and murder.
If parents allow a teenager to skip worship on Sunday morning to participate in some activity or competition, they have communicated their true priorities to the teenager.
The same is true if parents allow a teenager to take a job that requires Sunday work or they allow him to sleep in after a hard week. Those actions and decisions will make a more lasting impression than what parents try to teach about priorities.
If Christian parents would take a clear stand against allowing their children to participate in activities on Sunday morning, most leagues and other competitions would have no choice but to move to other days and times. At the very least, parents and teenagers must communicate to leaders at the beginning that they will be faithful to every team obligation—except Sunday participation.
Relationships
Whether or not church leaders are people of influence with a teenager depends in large measure on relationships. Relationships depend on consistency. If a teenager is inconsistent in church and youth group involvement, relationships will likely be weak, and influence will be diminished.
A teenager beginning to protest going to church may not be rebellious. He may be revealing that relationships there are becoming so weak they do not draw him there. Teenagers live so much in the present that it does not take many scattered absences from church for them to begin feeling distant from leaders and even peers. A teenager’s complaints about attending on Sundays may be the logical consequence of family decisions to miss now and then.
Parents who make church life a family priority are much more likely to see their children in heart connections with leaders of influence there. They also are likely to see those children equally committed to a local church during college days.
Parental Input in the Design of Student Ministry
Parents in the church have hopes and dreams for their teenagers. Most want their children to adore and live for Christ, and they want the same for their generation. Many of their hopes and dreams can be expressed through the church’s youth ministry. Parents who are becoming alive to Christ need ways to help shape the direction of that ministry.
Student ministers discovering how central parents are to the spiritual lives of teenagers will welcome that involvement. Here are several ways such involvement can happen.
Parent Advisory Team—Several parents can become part of a team that meets several times a year with the student minister. They provide parental wisdom and perspective to those who shape student ministry. They are not a decision-making body, but their recommendations and cautions carry much weight with leaders.
Parents on Lead Teams—Lead Teams are an ongoing way for parents to help shape significant events and ministries during the year. They also represent the most time-efficient way for parents to provide logistical support for student ministry. In some churches, parents who want to support and help are unsure how to step forward and get involved. In churches with Lead Teams, parents have a straightforward way to use their gifts and interests to bless teenagers, families, and volunteers.
Lead Teams serve to implement events or projects calendared by the Core Planning Team. Examples include youth camp, a retreat, an all-night prayer gathering, or a family remodeling project at the rescue mission.
Lead Teams are composed of students, parents of students, and volunteers. Lead Teams generally have four to twelve members. Lead Teams are assembled to accomplish a particular task or mission and exist only long enough to fulfill that objective.
Lead Teams should not be confused with groups or committees that “help the student minister” with an event. Lead Teams accept ultimate responsibility for their event or project. The student minister serves to motivate, inspire, and give general direction to their work, but the team has ultimate responsibility.
Parent and Student Programming
Many other typical youth ministry elements can be adjusted to pull in parents. Possibilities include:
- Family mission trips
- Family service projects
- Family social recreation
- Family athletics
- Family camp
- Family retreats
- Family prayer gatherings
- Family worship
- Family Bible studies
- Family ceremonies to celebrate rites of passage
- Graduation dinners
- Parent appreciation banquets
Parents Investing in Other Teenagers
Parents can make an eternal impact on the lives of teenagers from other homes. Pastors and leaders can present these challenges to parents:
- You can share the Good News of Christ with children and teenagers who do not yet know Him. You might say your home feels like Grand Central Station with children coming and going. Watch for conversations that can turn toward Christ.
- You can allow the Christian atmosphere of your home to make a lifetime impression on those who have never seen such a model. You can become intentional about letting others observe the truth lived out in home relationships.
- You can help fill the emotional emptiness of children and teenagers who receive little love, affirmation, or focused attention in their homes.
- You can become a prayer warrior for the teenagers who come to your home—sometimes becoming the onlyperson bringing a child’s name before Christ.
- In short, you can see your home as a primary mission field and an expression of your call to ministry.
Parents should never abdicate to the church the final responsibility for the spiritual instruction of their teenagers in the home. But at the same time, parents who want to see their children delight in Christ all their lives should:
- Have a deep appreciation for pastors and church leaders who impact their children.
- Work aggressively to deepen relationships between their children and those church leaders.
- Build family schedules around the ministries and services of the church.
- Become firm supporters of all the church does to impact their children spiritually.
