My daughter and I love a good HGTV show. We’re fascinated by what’s accomplished in a thirty-minute episode, with builders and designers completely transforming run-down homes and gardens into something stunningly beautiful and whole. Our favorite part is the “before and after” photos. We’re able to step back and appreciate just how far this family’s space has come, from mildewed furniture and bare walls to bright paintings and sparkling floors.
But how tragic would it be if the “before” and “after” shots were identical? If days, even weeks of effort made no change at all, and Chip and Joanna left the place looking no better than before?
Far too often, our family ministries experience just such disappointment. We pour well-intentioned effort into our church services, youth camps, baby dedications, Sunday School curriculum…but see zero transformation. Surely this should not be. In Luke 19, when Zacchaeus “joyfully received” Christ into his house, Jesus declared, “Today, salvation has come to this home.” Immediately, that home was filled with repentance, forgiveness, grace, mercy, peace, and radical transformation the likes of which HGTV could only dream of.
That is our hope for our family ministries. And, if we can keep three key goals in mind, I believe that is a hope we can see fulfilled.
Create Unified Family Ministry Vision
Many of our churches have a siloed approach to family ministry. The preschool ministry does their “thing,” the children’s ministry does theirs, the youth ministry theirs, and so on, but none of these ministries seem to work meaningfully together. Our young people are handed down this assembly line, from baby dedication to high school graduation, but each pair of well-intentioned hands doesn’t know what the other is doing, much less what we’re supposed to be doing together. Small wonder we don’t get the results we want.
The first step we can take toward unifying our family ministry team is to recognize who’s on the team. And your church’s “family ministry team” includes more people than you might think. Consider everyone whose life and ministry intersects with the families of your church. This includes your youth programs, but it also includes your children and preschool departments, not to mention your parents. So, start by taking some time to get a full picture of everyone who’s contributing to your families’ spiritual growth.
Next, establish what I call an “18-Year Discipleship Plan.” Develop a unified plan for the eighteen years a child will be under your church’s care. What doctrines do we want to teach them as children? As preteens? What topics do we want to address as they enter high school or leave for college? Craft a curriculum plan that lays a strong foundation from the very beginning, with each successive life stage building on the last.
One particularly effective way to strengthen such a plan is to add some intentionality to milestones such as birth, baptism, and graduations. Chances are, your congregation is already used to recognizing these moments, so consider how you might add some intentionality to these familiar rituals. What if you offered a four-week mentorship program for new parents, which then culminated in a baby dedication service that involved, not only parents and nursery workers, but also student ministers and senior adults? What if, when a child was baptized, you also provided their parents some concrete resources covering how to navigate this new stage of discipleship? Work with your family ministry team to explore how your 18-Year Discipleship Plan can be complemented by milestone markers along the way.
Cultivate a Culture of Intergenerational Discipleship
Awhile back, I was working at a local coffee shop, and I noticed something interesting. In one corner, I saw a young couple with a pair of children in tow. At another table, a gaggle of college students were huddled over their textbooks. In line, I could see some senior adults chatting. Boomers, Gen X-ers, millennials, Gen Z, Gen Alpha – every generation was well represented. But while the scene was multigenerational, it was not intergenerational. We had all the generations there in the room, but no one was interacting with one another.
Too often, our churches look just the same.
In crafting your family ministry strategy, aim for interaction between the generations, not just representation of the generations. Cultivate a culture like the one described in Psalm 78, which depicts an older generation eager and excited to pass their faith on to their children and grandchildren: “I will speak mysteries from the past […] We will not hide them from their children, but will tell a future generation of the praiseworthy acts of the Lord.”
Create intentional, dedicated space for the formation of “Titus 2” relationships, where older men can mentor younger men, and older women can disciple younger women. This means consistently calling your congregants to consider, “Who are you passing your faith down to right now?” It also means setting aside time for mentorship groups and one-on-one discipleship relationships between the generations.
This is especially urgent during our culture’s current crisis of fatherlessness. One piece of research from 2022indicates that “approximately 18.3 million children […] live without a father in the home, comprising about 1 in 4 US children.” Our culture and our churches desperately need spiritual fathers, so let’s strategize intentionally about how to address that crisis. Even Timothy, who benefitted from the faith of his devout mother and grandmother, needed the spiritual fatherhood Paul provided (2 Tim. 1). How much more so those girls and boys who lack any Christian presence in their homes?
Equip Parents as Disciple-Makers
Let’s do some math. Let’s say the parents in your church are staunchly dedicated to church events and programs. Sunday School, Sunday morning worship, Sunday night services, Wednesday nights, D-Nows, church camp – they’re onsite whenever the doors are open. In eighteen years, their child will spend about 120 hours a year in church. Contrast that with the approximately 3000 hours of screen time a year that same child will get. Which source will have the greatest influence? YouTube or YouVersion?
If the next generation is going to grow up committed to their faith, then we must equip their parents to incorporate discipleship rhythms into those 3000 hours. We must provide them the training and resources they need to fulfill the Deuteronomy 6 vision for family discipleship: “These words that I am giving you today are to be in your heart.Repeat them to your children. Talk about them when you sit in your house and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.” It’s not enough to remind parents they oughtto disciple their kids. We have to show them how, providing concrete and actionable steps their family can take toward family devotionals, prayer times, and worship.
Happily enough for our busy families, this is best done, not by adding a new project or responsibility to their (doubtless already packed) family schedule, but by adding intentionality to what’s already there.
For example, I met a teacher a few years ago who galvanized his kids’ spiritual growth by incorporating prayer requests into their morning and evening commutes to and from school. Every day begins and ends with sharing prayer requests, interceding together, and reporting how God has moved that day. Sure, the transition was awkward at first, but after a year of this practice, it’s become a welcome feature in his family’s schedule. They didn’t have to schedule a new event. They simply transformed a scheduled task into a moment of intentional discipleship.
Judges 2:10 provides a sobering vision of the church without a fruitful family ministry: “After them another generation rose up who did not know the Lord or the works he had done for Israel.” Discipleship doesn’t happen by accident, or by osmosis. It takes work, unity, strategy, and faithfulness. But thanks be to God that, by His grace, we have what we need to instead foster a Psalm 78:6-7 generation, one committed to “rise and tell their children so that they might put their confidence in God and not forget God’s works, but keep his commands.”
