We have all heard the story of the young boy who, when asked by his parents what he wanted to be when he grew up, said, “I want to be a preacher because he only works one day per week!” My husband, Chris, was a pastor for forty years and now serves as a professor at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary. When we began this journey, we did not know all that was ahead of us. After all, like this boy, what we saw of the pastor’s life was primarily visible on Sunday mornings. As we continued in ministry, we realized that the role of pastor was so much more than that!
Those of us who are married to pastors watch the countless hours that are spent each week as our husbands are in prayer and study to prepare for Sunday morning. I have watched Chris as he ministered to a young mother who just lost her child. I have seen the long drives to hospitals to visit the seriously ill. I have seen him leave the house in the middle of the night because of a community tragedy. Our family, while on vacation, has seen him leave to return home to support someone going through a loss and then return to us days later. On the other hand, he has been included in joyous weddings! He has had the privilege of seeing many come to faith in Christ and has baptized them. From the depths of despair to the heights of joy, the pastor is usually present.
Back in the 1990s, a layperson realized the hard, behind-the-scenes work that his pastor was doing and began advocating for a Pastor Appreciation Day to be celebrated the second Sunday in October. Later, in 1994, Focus on the Family began promoting October as Pastor Appreciation Month and offering resources and suggestions to churches on how to honor and encourage their pastor. We began serving in 1977, well before an official day or month of appreciation was set. Nevertheless, there were members in each church who inherently knew that we might need some encouragement.
Appreciation…before Any Appreciation Month
Our first church was a very small congregation in East Texas. There were members who honored Chris and me in very personal ways. One family shared their vegetable crop with us each spring. Another brought a side of beef for us to enjoy. When Chris traveled back and forth to seminary one semester, a widow in the church cooked a huge breakfast for him to enjoy before his trip back each week.
Our second church was a harder church to pastor, but God taught us so much. Although challenging, both financially and spiritually, God sent encouragers to us who would take us to lunch occasionally, put some cash in a card, or step in to help us after our children were born.
Our third church was one of the sweetest experiences in our ministry. Wilshire Park Baptist in Midland, Texas, was full of encouragers. They exemplified 1 Timothy 5:17, “The elders who direct the affairs of the church well are worthy of double honor, especially those whose work is preaching and teaching,” and 1 Thessalonians 5:12-13, “We ask you brothers, to respect those who labor among you and are over you in the Lord and admonish you, and to esteem them very highly in love because of their work.”
Chris pastored there four and a half years. During that time, we received cards of encouragement, invitations for fun fellowship in people’s homes, volunteers to babysit so that Chris and I could have an evening out, and gift cards to help with the dinner! During a time when we had to be in Houston for an extended period with our son for medical reasons, people stepped up to take care of our daughter. They sent rolls of quarters to pay for vending machines in the hospital. We even had someone who paid for a good friend of mine to fly to Houston to be a support to me when Chris could not be there!
Ways to Make October Special
Pastor Appreciation Month officially began during our 33-year ministry at our fourth church, Central Church in Bryan/College Station. During the month of October, Chris received many cards with thoughtful messages. One of his favorites was the stack of cards from the pre-school/children’s area. He loved looking through those to see drawings of himself and notes written by sweet, little hands. Of course, it is always very special to be honored with a gift that says, “Thank you for all that you do!” Everyone likes to be noticed, wherever they serve. From the pre-school teacher who is faithful to serve each Sunday to the pastor and staff, receiving a card or a thoughtful gift can truly be a boost. It says, “You have not been forgotten!” and “You are seen!”
Here are some of Chris’s favorites through the years:
- A box of golf balls. (The person had done their research and found out exactly what kind to buy! What hobby does your pastor participate in?)
- Gift cards for the family.
- Gift cards specifically for the pastor. (A golf course, a hunting experience, etc. Find out what your pastor enjoys!)
- A weekend away for the family. (This might be a paid weekend or a gift from someone with a lake house, etc.)
- Ongoing cards of encouragement that come periodically through the year. (One of our church members had the same sense of humor as Chris. She knew he was not a fan of cats, so she bought a “cat” card about every six weeks, wrote him an encouraging and funny note and put it in the mail. He loved it!)
- Notes that state specifically how God used a sermon in your life.
I reached out to some of the pastors’ wives that we have mentored for many years and asked, “What is the most meaningful encouragement your husband has received?” I heard the following:
- Be a faithful follower of Christ. Be a regular attendee of your church and give your time, talent and treasure to serve the Lord in your church. If you have a problem, come to leadership and talk it through—don’t gossip.
- Serve in the church. The church is growing but the volunteers are not. Show up to encourage the pastor’s family. Attend a basketball game, a baseball game, or a theater performance. Honor the pastor’s anniversaries at the church. Step in when you have an opportunity to serve in small ways. If you see the pastor sweeping up rollie pollies before church starts, then take the broom and sweep for him!
- Come to church. It brings great encouragement to a pastor who has prayed and prepared all week to deliver God’s message to a full group of people. Also, the pastor is honored when people follow his teaching from the Bible to love others and to share God’s love with others. For example, last week a church member came in and expressed concern about the eternity of his ex-wife’s brother who was near death. The pastor wrote down on a piece of paper several ways to share the gospel with the man. The church member went straight to visit the man and read what the pastor had written down. The brother received Christ that very day. The following day, he passed away and met Jesus in heaven!
- Give a personalized gift basket. Our church sends out a questionnaire asking favorite restaurants, favorite stores, and favorite snacks, along with questions about hobbies. Each community/life group has an assigned staff member, and they make a gift basket for that person. The gift baskets are given out at a worship service in October. The baskets contain not only the gifts, but also personal notes of encouragement.
Pastors feel the weight of their church members’ spiritual health. Week in and out, they give of themselves spiritually and emotionally to their church family. When Chris had a minor heart attack during his ministry at Central, do you know what the cardiologist prescribed? He said that Chris could do anything he wanted to do as he was healing—ride a bike, hunt, golf. However, there was one thing that was not allowed: He was not to preach or counsel for two months while his heart healed. I share this now, with all young pastors and their wives, so that they can see the importance of honoring a sabbath during the week and balancing their schedule. Pastoring is challenging, tiring work, even for pastors who wholeheartedly love their calling.
Honoring your pastor with encouraging words, thoughtful gifts, and time to rest are all incredibly important as he continues to walk each day in his call to ministry. What a blessing you can be to him!
